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I am the type of person that is highly emotional and sometimes moody. I have recently found God and I am so blessed that he came into my life. …. I am constantly struggling to relinquish my life over to him completely… However, I am trying.

FOr some reason when I am in church, I get overridden with emotion, so much so my body shuts down. I feel that if I truly allowed myself to feel what I am feeling… I would be one of those people who falls on the ground sobbing, which is not a bad thing… at all…. BUT I don’t think that I will be able to contain my tears. I have been going through a constant struggle for the last 6 years and I am scared that if I let the emotions out completely I may never stop crying.

I was raised by a man who said ” don’t cry in public, don’t allow people the power of knowing that got to you” but I am still very emotionally but try not to cry in public when it can be helped. I know that my feelings are valid and I should be feeling this way, but I want to be the person who yells” Go ahead pastor, preach it pastor, or hallelujah or amen” to stand and rejoice when the chorus is singing. I am battling my inner self so that my spirit can take control. Pray that I am able to release enjoy to bask in the joy that is God. AMEN!!!

Lord, ” I give myself away” you are in control of  my life and the life of my family.

Lord, watch over my friends and family as the walk this earth and even after, deliver us from all that is ailing us and give us the comfort in knowing that you are watching over us and that our life is not our life it is yours…

 

Enough is enough!!!

Stay positive, everything happens for a reason and this to shall pass are quotes/comments that people have bene saying to me lately.. Honestly, I have had it. I know that my life is not that bad and that there are others who are worse off than me. But this does not mean that I cannot complain about my current circumstances.

I mean come on, I am almost 30, I have 2 and a half children… I am unemployed and on the verge of a nervous break  down…. I am trying to stay positive but not working is killing me. Don’t get me wrong I am glad that I have had the opportunity to stay home with my kids but enough is enough… I consider myself a worker bee and not contributing to my household is getting to me. I love my kids but need that time to miss them and to be a normal adult… I am lacking grown up conversation. I am trying to understand that this is the time God has allotted for me to be in the wilderness, this  will help make me stronger and wiser, however I am itching to get out….. lol

There is nothing worse than to know my husband is super stressed and I cannot help… I have tried everything, I am not afraid to get my hands dirty any job will do, but it has to pay decent or be over night, because child care is outrageous. I recently graduated from a 2 year school and start my BA in September so at least I am doing that….  Patiently waitiing for a miracle….

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

 

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